Too Risky

Easter Weekend

I make a  Feta, Olive and Sun-dried  Tomato Cornbread -  gluten free of course - for friends coming to tea on Easter Saturday.  There is some left over which I take the next day to a lunch to share with more dear friends.

This is the beautiful centre table decorate made by our hostess - exquisite paper  peony flowers  made from coffee filters dyed with food colouring - so clever , so creative so full of love.

I make another batch of savoury cornbread on Easter Monday as we are invited to a family tea at my sister's where I watch two little cousins playing harmoniously ( mostly ) with this cheerful pig  money box- a delight to see. 

We spend the morning in Sidmouth with Robin's lovely hands-on healer who also made him a special  birthday bun with a Winnie the Pooh candle on it. Later we walk  by the sea  - all  sandy brown churned up waves and masses of shingle thrown up on the promenade  from last night's storms.

Today  I wonder if it would be better to give myself up to being Robin's carer - totally and whole heartedly. Instead of trying to have an independent life. Instead of always trying to escape. Which doesn't mean I can't still have time for myself. But only if I can get cover.  I'm getting more concerned about leaving him on his own - like I did today for two and a half hours. What if he chokes on his cheese sandwich or gets shut in a room because he can't turn the door handle or he falls down the stairs? While I'm having a nice lunch with friends. 

So I'm going to try it for a while, play safe, give myself a break from the anxiety. i.e. only go out, have my own life, if he's out with someone or someone is with him at home. Anything else is too stressful, too risky. I've never been good at taking risks.