Little Steps With Kindness

Peeling birch (?)bark....

how can this small crumpled thing turn into a big soft petalled peony....

young rhubarb....

 and gorgeous fowl feathers

in the vegetable gardens

at Knights Hayes Court

on Saturday.

This is how it goes - once upon a time I decided I didn't deserve to have what I wanted. Doesn't matter why. Result now is that if I say yes when I mean no I end up being resentful and feeling like a victim.

So from today, with the support of a dear friend, I've started a new practise of saying yes to myself ( once I've worked out what I want) which can mean saying no to Robin and then living with the consequences of  his disappointment.  Starting with very small things.

This also fits with me not being being responsible for his happiness or feeling guilty if he doesn't have what he wants all the time. And still being kind to both of us.

Today when he came back from his outing with his lovely Age UK care worker, which he really enjoyed, he said he only wanted 20 minutes rest and then to go out after lunch. I said yes and rushed about getting lunch. Then I realised what I wanted was to finish the emails I'd started and I needed another half an hour to do them. Robin was disappointed but entertained himself with games on the computer till I was ready.

After our lunch -  small salad and soup ( which he didn't eat)   he wanted to go out straight away. I said yes then I realised I really wanted to get the washing up done before we went which meant another 15 minutes for him to wait.  Usually I would have left it till later so that he wouldn't have to hang around but this time I suggested he did word puzzles to fill in the time. He didn't want to so I just ignored his PBWs and stamping his feet on the floor and wandering around the kitchen and got on with the washing up. We left when I was ready.

On the way back from our coffee and cake outing by the sea he asked to make a diversion to drive past a NT property -  which is never open -   which I'd already agreed to do beforehand.  When he asked to make another diversion - even though it was very short - I said no I wanted to go straight home.

He pleaded but I just kept saying no. He was disappointed, but this time I didn't feel guilty and controlling I just felt clear about what I wanted and it was OK to take care of me even if it meant letting him down.

Little steps. 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. A single no, with kindness, to him leads to a yes with kindness to me.