Never Again

More winter sun this morning

and frost

 making the grass 

 like crunchy white icing  to walk on.

Ice crystals  inside the green house with its broken panes of glass.

The hydrangeas like old parchment now...

and frosted spikes of

Mahonia - or Californian Grape...gorgeous sprays of scented yellow flowers - a gift from a dear friend last year.

Still a few silver birch leaves hanging on..

Exeter airport is so close to  where  I live but the planes overhead never bother me.

When I come downstairs from my rest this afternoon (I'm loving this idea that I can lie down in the day time...and it's good for me...vital even to do nothing .....to day dream or snooze)

I see seven female pheasants hoovering up every last sunflower seed and fat ball crumb

fallen from the bird feeders.

I wonder where they have been 

all this time.

This morning the sun streams onto the sofa where I'm sitting with a dear friend who is raw with grief.

He says,

" I can't believe I'll never hold her hand again."

I know. I know.

I know this one.

And I am raw again,

for the never again 

brush of his

lips

on mine.