More carp.... and toad fountains ....and late roses at The Newt.
This morning a second builder comes to talk to me about the house project. The first one came yesterday.
They both examine the drawings intensely....walk round the garden and the rooms with me...with tape measures and advice and questions. Today's builder talks to me about ground source heating versus solar panels. He lifts the tops of the man covers with two plastering trowels...and says the invert drop is too tight/shallow for the new drainage plan.
I only vaguely understand...but I don't want to understand any of it....I don't want to have to decide about it all...everyone who comes says different things....but they all say I can get you a kitchen at trade price ...don't do retail.
In the end I will choose someone and something....and it will all unfold somehow.
I must need to be doing this....or I'd be doing something else..... and as I don't want to go round the world on a cruise ship ....or save the world...for the moment I'll stick with researching underfloor heating and how to get rid of an asbestos shed roof....and glazed verandahs.
Really I'm in the process of dismantling the whole property....with a view to creating a new space...and sometimes it feels like I have to dismantle myself first to allow any of it to happen....and maybe letting go of the regrets will help me to see the way ahead more clearly.
When the builder finally leaves my head is so boggled I can't think straight and later I walk into the village, wrapped up against the cold, to post a birthday card. On the way back past open fields I see this pussy cat sitting on top of a fence. He looks so like Flapjack its uncanny....but I can tell he hasn't got Flapjack's character....just his own.
And I walk home remembering his life with us......and Robin's face...and his smile ....Flapjack as a kitten, asleep, stretched out on Robin's long legs, Robin stretched out on the sofa, reading the newspaper... we were ten years married taking everything for granted. Semantic Dementia? Never heard of it.
And then I think about what I'm going to make for supper - something hot and delicious and simple out of my nearly empty fridge.
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