Startled out of my skin.... a blow to my solar plexus.... and filled with infinite value.

FRIDAY

I picked up this little well-used knife at the side of the road. I'm wondering how to get it back to its owner.

At first I thought this baby mouse in my path was dead. But when she waved her tiny needle thin arms in the air I rolled her into my palm and laid her gently into a nest of long dry grass in the hedgerow, covering her as best I could....hoping she'd survive or at least not die so exposed in the elements. 

The first black sheep I've seen in the flock. Not black but a deep chocolate brown.

His woolly coat is just like this swallow's lumpy mud nest that I noticed in the eaves of a house in the village when I was walking back with bunches of dahlias and aster daisies from allotment man.

Back home I'm concerned about this young starling  - she is very wobbly on her legs, keeps tipping sideways on the perch, losing her balance and when she tries to  peck out 

the suet pellets in the feeder she tumbles to the grass and flounders there for a bit but then flies off into the hazel hedge. There is something wrong... she often comes to the feeder alone when usually the starlings arrive and leave in a loud hurricane of wing and beak and squawk.

This sweet young robin is starting to moult I think...

this great-tit already in full feather.

SATURDAY

I sleep longer than I ever do, cutting  into the morning, which is my best time to do EVERYTHING which is why I never get as much done in a day as I expect to...my oomph has gone by 3pm.

So  I decide NOT to do EVERYTHING and walk instead in the early afternoon when sky and path and animal look and feel different in the light of my usual early morning walks.

I'm also used to being alone in this landscape so at one point when I'm absorbed in reaching across the fence to pick a fat ripe blackberry, remembering Robin and his passion for blackberry picking,

I'm startled out of my skin by a slightly built woman, bobbed grey hair, blue anorak who is nearly at my shoulder before she smiles and says

"I wasn't sure you'd heard me coming."

 I didn't hear her. I scream, jump backwards into the hedgerow, hand at my throat and then gasp and laugh and apologise for my loud outburst but she apologises for scaring me.

I feel quite shaky after she passes by...shocked by my own involuntary physical reaction to such a benign situation. But maybe my body remembers those other times in my life when I was approached  by someone...from behind ....and it wasn't benign at all.

Abandoned party balloon in the road outside my neighbour's house.

 Not cream ice cream heaven.....

 Fravocado - Dairy free, soya free ice cream made with coconut and avocado - a treat...

although I like the chocolate version better....not dominated by the coconut flavour...

and this is my favourite by Booja Booja -  of luxury chocolate fame -  made with only 7 organic ingredients based on cashew nuts and no coconut...fabulous but a fabulous price as well.

TODAY

The blue sky is deceptive ... there is that cool September chill in the air....my washing doesn't get quite dry on the line.

Wanting to get closer to Black Beauty in her field I climb a six bar wooden gate to get a photo on my phone. Climbing back over, my wet boot slips and I fall, taking a scraping blow to my sternum, ribs and  under forearms. I'm winded...bending to catch my breath, the pain sharp.

All day I'm aware of the aching bruise in my solar plexus...the seat of self worth, self empowerment, self belief. The place from where you muster the courage to do something that scares you....to take appropriate action. 

I'm struggling with my confidence to make house and garden decisions at the moment ...the blow feels like a wake up call.. but also a call to self kindness.

Back home I sit under the oak tree, breathing into my solar plexus and repeat a Matt Kahn affirmation given to me by a dear friend recently.

I am filled with infinite value.

I am amazing.

I deserve to treat myself with utmost care.

Then I pick this dew drenched rose for the kitchen window sill,

 and as the kitchen designer has cancelled our appointment, go into the house to start making phone calls to garden designers and glass verandah suppliers.