Lost Phone

 The Queen's swans on the river Exe on Sunday.

This morning I drive through a foggy Exeter, north east

into bright sunshine for a session with my lovely family constellations counsellor....and find clarity and strength and healing in her blessed intuition and wisdom.

Later in town I have a horrible few minutes when I lose my phone.  I thought it was in my coat  pocket. I search through the deep pockets of my handbag. It's not there. I retrace my steps looking on the pavements for its brown leather case. If someone found it what would they do? Keep it? Hand it in? I wrack my brains for the last shop I went into - the health food shop where I was looking for Chia seeds. 

Did I leave my phone here? I ask the two women assistants.

We haven't see one, they say.

Then I look beyond them at the counter where I bought the seeds and there it is in its brown leather case.

My knees nearly collapse. I want to cry with relief.

My life isn't really in my phone. But it is my heart line of connection to my world.

Today I felt how fragile that connection is and how quickly and easily it can be broken, taken away.

It's 3 months ago today that Robin died - 24th October -  and I couldn't feel him. I couldn't find him in my life today. Maybe I just couldn't bear to remember that day.....and I lost my phone to remind me.....to be practical... to back it up on iCloud......

 but also to remind me that our connection is not lost, not broken, it's just not in the same place that it was. And I need to look inside, in my heart, to remember him.