The big cats at Paignton Zoo. It is a good zoo. Still.....I want them to be in the wild. To be free. Even
to risk predators, hunters, hunger, rivalry, competition. The chance to test the survival of the fittest - against something more than the wire of a cage - however spacious. Lions and tigers surviving an English winter - loved but a long way from home.
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
By D H. Lawrence.
I am a cat lover - so they are close to my heart.
Tonight I remembered our pussy cat who died on November 21st 2012. I re-read my blog about him - the days leading up to his death....we knew when it would be.....the vet came to the house.....gave him the lethal injection....he was in my arms.... it was terrible. Up to now it has been the worst experience of my life....to make that choice - for another living thing - his life in our hands.
Sometimes I remember that Robin chose his path, the way he lived and loved. The way he died. And sometimes I can't remember anything except the last time I saw him from the doorway of his room, turned on his side in the bed, his eyes closed, and I could have gone back for one last kiss. But I didn't. Because I didn't know it was the last time..
And I forget that even though I knew it was the last time for the pussy cat, and I was there, and felt his last breath, it was still an agony to witness.
And I can't change a single iota of the way and the how and the where and when that Robin died.
So this agony now is so unreasonable, so irrational, so unbearable.
I can remember though, four years later, how much I loved our pussy cat.
So although he wasn't black, this quote makes me smile because it contains the essence of his cattiness.
A black cat dropped soundlessly from a high wall,like a spoonful of dark treacle,and melted under the gate.
By Elizabeth Lemarchand.
And one day, when this agony is over - when I have dismounted "this beast of grief'', I will remember the essence of Robin - his Robin-ness - which will make me smile again.
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