Divine Order

The garden at 8am this morning.

Tonight I was invited to a birthday celebration at Jamie Oliver's in Exeter. Three courses and a glass of Prosecco - lovely friends around a long table.

On Saturday I was invited to the cinema and supper afterwards at Wagamamma's. Wonderful film, set in New Zealand - "Hunt for the Wilderpeople" - everyone should see it. This was my supper.

I can't believe I am having a normal life  - going out in the evening. Feeling so treated and cared for and included.

This afternoon I lose it a bit in the car driving with Robin. The traffic is bad.  I'm trying to find my way to Honiton from a part of Exeter I'm not familiar with. Robin is talking to me but I can't hear or understand what he's saying. I usually stop the car now and try and decipher what he wants. Nowhere to stop. He is grinding his teeth almost constantly. It's like nails being dragged on a blackboard for me. I know it's a compulsion he can't help. However much I tell myself that, I can't seem to help wanting to scream.

Which I do. At the windscreen. Very loudly. I don't feel any better. He doesn't stop grinding his teeth. I apologise. But he blames himself like I knew he would.

We stop in Honiton at my parents grave and he gets out of the car which I didn't expect him to. Just for a minute. He can't stand for long now. Just long enough for a photo. 

We stop for an ice-cream. Chocolate and Coffee. But he only has 2 plastic spoonfuls. I'd bought 2 scoops thinking he might eat a whole one like he did last time. But it is huge and in the end it defeats even me, my appetite shrunk, and I cross the road to the rubbish bin and throw it away.  Never in my life have I thrown away an ice-cream. 

But then my world is already so upside down that anything can happen.... screaming, binning an ice cream,  a husband crumbling in front of my eyes..... nothing is ordinary...everything in flux.

This is the prayer I'm saying tonight to get me through tomorrow. Thank you to the dear one who sent it to me. Such a comfort. This and all the constant love that surrounds me and never leaves me.

Let things happen as they are meant to, in the highest ways for all involved.

The perfect solution for everyone concerned in this situation is already selected.

Divine Order always brings the right solution at the right time.