Bribery and Corruption

Beautiful Birthday 

bouquet.

My friend grew these chilli plants from seed.

 

Waxy jewels decorating her kitchen window sill.

 She gave me another plant to take to Robin as she remembered he used to grow chilli peppers in the greenhouse on the allotment.

She gave me a lovely birthday lunch - her own baby aubergines halved and grilled with crushed cumin seed, creamy risotto stuffed red pepper and tomatoes from her greenhouse.

It was the first time for years that we have had a proper, uninterrupted lunch conversation, without  Robin sitting at the table with us, without half my being sucked away into the yawning gulf of his needs.

She also gave me homemade plum jam and chutney to take home. And I realised how far away I am now from growing things, making things, creating things - it feels like a world I used to inhabit without a second thought - keeping me connected to the earth.

 Now it takes all my being just to load the washing machine, pay some bills, keep Robin's diary full, and remember to fill up the car with fuel. Imagination, inspiration and creativity all on vacation while I wade through the simplest of tasks each day.

This morning I wake with a tender aching back.

This evening I drive Robin out into the Devon lanes with the sun sinking low in the sky. His dream team of carers A &S, one Australian and one Slovakian, who l loved instantly I met them, as they are made of marshmallow and steel and only want the best for Robin, tell me he hasn't drunk anything much all day and he has even shouted at them. I manage to get him to drink 150 ml of Innocent mango smoothie using bribery and corruption and ignoring his scowls and frowns.

 He won't or can't say why he doesn't want to drink.  And I know that in the big scheme of things of course doesn't have to and no-one can make him. But while he can still swallow and is open to persuasion.... and bribery and corruption.... I will keep trying.

My supper tonight - a big bowl of unctuous comfort accompanied by broccoli and leeks with a salad of spiralised carrots and courgettes  - experimenting with my new birthday present - a tiny nod to creativity...