Tips From Widows.

I walk in the gardens at Killerton this afternoon. Heavy cloud cover but warm.

Like Castle Drogo the NT  House is shrouded in plastic and scaffolding - major repairs to a leaking roof.  And although it's mid-October 

only a few of the trees are dropping their leaves...turning autumn gold and bronze.

Most are still vibrant green...

and the borders are still 

in full 

bloom. Especially this 

range of Salvias

and lots of

delicate long stemmed

perennials

and bulbs 

the names of which elude me.

 This one does look rather human ....or  even like a very pretty scarecrow in party mood.

A canna like the ones we had in Africa.

A dear friend often sends me interesting articles from The Guardian newspaper on line.

I bought this book after she recommended it.

It's called Tips from Widows by Jan Robinson who wrote it after her husband died very suddenly. She was 64 - like me - and they had been married for 46 years.

It's a very slim volume all the contributions are from widows of a similar age. It's practical and affirming, humorous and comforting.

These are some of their random tips.

1. Don't be offended when people may say inappropriate things. They don't mean it.

Like this one..

"This is fucking awful for you.When you feel stronger we'll go and watch penguins somersault."

And this one....

"I know just how you feel. My dog died yesterday."

Actually no-one has ever said anything but kind and understanding and loving to me.

2. Don't be surprised if you find yourself crying even after many years.

That doesn't surprise me at all. The tears are always just a tiny wobble away behind my eyelids.

3. Flashbacks. It's normal - for a number of months after your husband's death to have flashbacks of him lying dead. They can be vivid and real and deeply upsetting. If they continue for any length of time you should seek help.

Which I am.

4. Don't try to be too brave. Talk about it. 

I do.

And this is my favourite...

 5. You are not alone. You have yourself.