Carefree Time

In the garden of a dear friend on Saturday, in a brief burning burst of heat at lunch time while we ate her divine wild mushroom risotto  - especially soft for Robin - and slathered our arms in suncream.  Very shortly later we needed long sleeved jumpers for a cool windy walk by the river at Tipton St John.

A rubbish day today. Traumatised by Robin's ghastly visit to the dentist this morning for a filling. The one I didn't like.  Even though a friend told me about a nice dentist...I still kept the appointment ....didn't listen to my instincts.....if the filling falls out - the dentist said he wouldn't put money on it not falling out - we won't go back.....can't seem to forgive myself for it .....Robin not complaining of any pain though.

Followed by visit to photo booth at post office to get new passport photos. Follow all instructions in booth but Robin looks like a nutter who has just seen a ghost and I look like I have been recently embalmed. Total waste of £10 and will have to try elsewhere - like a person with a camera.

Followed by visit to Knights Hayes Court to fill in time before my appointment at 2.30 pm. Robin's mouth still numb from novacaine but insists on wanting a raspberry fruit crumble with custard. I carry the tray to the table, Robin trips on the cobbled floor, crashes against the chair and lands on the banquette seat next to it, swearing like a trooper, knocking the tray, coffee everywhere. Nice women at  neighbouring table and waitress do mopping up job. Robin says his leg hurts, eats a few mouthfuls of his crumble, leaves his apple juice.  I lose my appetite for  my flapjack, and the will to live. We go back to the car in the spitting rain. Robin says his leg doesn't hurt anymore.

At home I get him into bed just before the nice CPN arrives. My eyes leak a lot and she listens really sympathetically which makes me cry more. She says I need more carefree time. Like a night out. The word has a totally different meaning for me now - time free of caring - not just free time....and not only a dream.... but I could make it real.

When Robin wakes up I give him a green smoothie as he didn't have lunch...and I remember to have one too. Then we drive out again. This time the sun comes out but fortunately it's too late for tea and cake as all the cafes are closed. 

Much much later  I feed Robin a bowl of chopped up butternut squash frittata and avocado salad. It takes me about 5 minutes to eat it and it takes him about 45 minutes. I wash up between mouthfuls and we watch  England playing Slovakia  to pass the time while he chews and swallows.

 He doesn't mention his tooth so I don't either. And maybe I was wrong about the dentist.... but we won't go back there even if the filling doesn't fall out. I wasn't wrong about my intuition just wrong not to listen to it....and maybe not wrong anyway. Just a mistake - a reminder to love myself more not less.

Contents of green smoothie  - all juiced and then whizzed up with avocado and banana and walnuts...