It's already late. I stayed up to watch "Love Actually" the Richard Curtis film I've seen loads of times. I practically know the script and sound track by heart. But I love it and tonight there is nothing to stop me indulging myself.
Guilt took a back seat today.
I cry a bit into my almond mocha coffee this morning, sitting in a pavement cafe, when my friend counsels me to love my heart as much as I can...especially the little girl in me I have abandoned....when all the time I think it is Robin I am abandoning.
At Boots the Chemist I buy new glasses and sunglasses as my prescription has changed in the last 2 years. The optician says I have started cataracts in both eyes. I'm horrified. He says it's normal and not a problem and will take years to develop. When I say how long? He says it could be in your seventies or eighties. I'm still horrified. He looks about 22 so wouldn't have a clue that my seventies are not that far away.
Cataracts, like dementia and MND only happen to other people.
I also buy a cardi in the White Stuff sale. The label says the colour is Pickle Green - a sort of muted lime colour. It makes me feel rustic and autumnal.
Although Robin has already been out with a dear friend this afternoon, this evening I drive him around local country lanes and we stop for a carton of Happy Monkey strawberry smoothie, in this recently cut wheat field outside Silverton.
And although he can't tell me where he has been or what he had for lunch or what he's been doing this morning it's so easy to be with him and just listen and give him all my attention. Because later I will take him back and someone else will feed him and wash him and undress him and turn on the TV and help him into bed and take care of him. And my evening stretches ahead of me with only me to please - a lovely lovely gift.
When I come home and I'm getting out of the car I notice this furry bee feasting on the lavender bush by the front gate. And because I'm not rushing in to make the supper, or Robin isn't waiting for me to take his shoes off or go to the loo I can capture him in my camera. So happy I didn't miss this one brief perfumed moment in these precious days of me time....
No comments:
Post a Comment