Turn Away from the Light

Ancient Whistman's Wood on Dartmoor. 1st January 2009.

Although these photos are on my computer I have a feeling that my sister took them. If you did, thank you, Jane.

I make a big bowl of roasted beets and carrots, red onions and cherry tomatoes, potatoes and crown prince squash, cut in rough cubes and tossed with a fried sambal of ginger and garlic, turmeric, chilli and ground toasted cumin seeds. And because it's that time of year I open a packet of chestnuts and stir them through the mix with melted coconut oil and fresh chopped coriander. The theme of our Deeksha Solstice supper tonight is curry so I add my bowl to the table already groaning with dishes of curries and  basmati rice, naan breads, salads and dips and cheeses.

Afterwards we sit in the circle and I let the music and the blessings and the peacefulness wash though me. I feel empty and tired and small. Diminished by the carving away of half my life. More than half..... nearly all of it....can't feel into what's left .....not yet.

Yesterday was the turning of the year. The light will start to come back.  But I prefer the early darkness of these short days..... and the softness of long nights.... my impulse is still to turn inwards and away from the light .....not sure I want to see too clearly anyway or too far ahead.