Feeling fragile and breakable... relentlessly stretched.... too much Christmas as usual. Even without Robin - why isn't it easier - even though I'm not doing half of what I usually do.' Early days,' friends advise me. My car heart knows it but my driver body doesn't.....still powering on high octane gas.
In the kitchen this afternoon. Portuguese lemons ripening. The table has become the central writing/sorting post office.
It's taking me much longer than I imagined......I'm triggered by re-reading very moving condolence cards and letters....I keep getting up to make tea, shopping lists, phone calls, choose a different pen, entertain the idea of ironing the drying up cloths - never ironed one in my life - now seems a good time to start. Feel light headed and wonder if I may be going bonkers.
I doze off during the semi-final of Masterchef.....unheard of for me. Maybe I'm just beyond tired and have stopped questioning what I'm doing....better just to stay on the familiar rails for now...making any other decision seems like a mile too far.
6am moon this morning lighting up the apple tree in the back garden.
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