December garden rose.
Sometimes I get stuck in the war between my internal voices.
One - a grown up - which says, matter of factly,
Come on. Just get on with it. Stop indulging yourself.
And the other one - a very young voice - which is wailing
What about me?
Today with the help of a dear coaching friend I found some compassion for both of them.....listened to both of them...let them play on the roundabout....while I measured out the tasks of my day, making cheese biscuits, writing cards, wrapping presents.....stopping when I was tired.....letting myself cry.....having tea with a dear friend who dropped by....talking about Robin......not stopping when I was tired....noticing.
At the end of the funeral a dear friend gave me this poem by Brian Pattern. She wrote it out beautifully by hand. She has been through what I am going through now. I'm very grateful to her and also to Brian Pattern who based his poem on one by Pablo Neruda. I find it constantly reassuring.
So Many Different Lengths Of Time -
Brian Patten
How long does a man live after all?
A thousand days or only one?
One week or a few centuries?
How long does a man spend living or dying
and what do we mean when we say gone forever?
Adrift in such preoccupations, we seek clarification.
We can go to the philosophers
but they will weary of our questions.
We can go to the priests and rabbis
but they might be busy with administrations.
So, how long does a man live after all?
And how much does he live while he lives?
We fret and ask so many questions -
then when it comes to us
the answer is so simple after all.
A man lives for as long as we carry him inside us,
for as long as we carry the harvest of his dreams,
for as long as we ourselves live,
holding memories in common, a man lives.
His lover will carry his man's scent, his touch:
his children will carry the weight of his love.
One friend will carry his arguments,
another will hum his favourite tunes,
another will still share his terrors.
And the days will pass with baffled faces,
then the weeks, then the months,
then there will be a day when no question is asked,
and the knots of grief will loosen in the stomach
and the puffed faces will calm.
And on that day he will not have ceased
but will have ceased to be separated by death.
How long does a man live after all?
A man lives so many different lengths of time.
A thousand days or only one?
One week or a few centuries?
How long does a man spend living or dying
and what do we mean when we say gone forever?
Adrift in such preoccupations, we seek clarification.
We can go to the philosophers
but they will weary of our questions.
We can go to the priests and rabbis
but they might be busy with administrations.
So, how long does a man live after all?
And how much does he live while he lives?
We fret and ask so many questions -
then when it comes to us
the answer is so simple after all.
A man lives for as long as we carry him inside us,
for as long as we carry the harvest of his dreams,
for as long as we ourselves live,
holding memories in common, a man lives.
His lover will carry his man's scent, his touch:
his children will carry the weight of his love.
One friend will carry his arguments,
another will hum his favourite tunes,
another will still share his terrors.
And the days will pass with baffled faces,
then the weeks, then the months,
then there will be a day when no question is asked,
and the knots of grief will loosen in the stomach
and the puffed faces will calm.
And on that day he will not have ceased
but will have ceased to be separated by death.
How long does a man live after all?
A man lives so many different lengths of time.
In one of Robin's lives...December 2008.....kicking a football with his nephew.
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