Bake Off....Corrosive Disappointment

Highlight : driving back from round trip to Killerton House this evening.  Past all the places where we used to stop and walk.

Robin stays in the car when I jump out to take photos of cows and ploughed up, shadowed fields, Japanese knot weed rooted in the river  bank, and a wide open gate. Beautiful Devon,  sun low on the horizon, last day of August.

 Looking forward to The Great British Bake Off - the only thing I want to watch on TV these days.

Lowlight: missing most of The Great British Bake Off - I don't see who won the Viennese Whirl competition - while I'm feeding Robin chick pea chilli and rice and broccoli...his nose starts running....endless tissues... he eats two mouthfuls.... refuses the rest ...eats two spoons of  chocolate mousse and our garden blackberries.... refuses the rest.....he wants to lie down....I get him into bed....2 minutes later he calls .....says he can't breathe....except he is ....I take him to the loo ....except he doesn't go....he sits at the computer....starts sneezing .... I blow his nose...endless tissues....and now the bakers are making gingerbread creations and my supper has gone cold.

 I want to be cool and unattached and think I can always watch it on Iplayer but  the moment has passed.... and the disappointment  is corrosive.... It's not really about the programme....I know it's  all out of proportion....holding on to one thing for me...wanting my reward for being so impossibly good all day...bound to fail...why would he suddenly stop needing to pee, to blow his nose at 8pm just because I want an hour for myself.

Sometimes I think I'm not really the best  person to look after Robin. Tomorrow I'll ring some agencies about getting some more help with him in the evenings. Especially on a Bake Off evening.