Mending My Life

White garden light.

Everything goes wrong today from the beginning......when Robin wakes early - an  hour before the carer is due to get him up....what to do? I suggest games on the computer.....discover the computer is defunct.....despair at the thought of him not having anything to occupy him in the evenings. I ring  our lovely computer man and leave a message. Make Robin's breakfast smoothie while waiting for the carer.

Different carer from yesterday. She's young and sweet. But I have to go through Robin's whole 

routine again. Amazingly we aren't late for The Mede. What a godsend that place is.

In the market I can't remember what's still in the fridge and what I need to buy. So I end up with too many tomatoes, no beans and one beetroot. I leave my list at home for all the other things I need like  E45 cream for Robin's itchy, flaky skin as the nice calendula cream doesn't seem to be working. 

Lovely restorative coffee with friends and then back to the relentless list....ring speech and language therapist to ask for Robin to have an assessment for some sort of communication aids as his speech is getting worse. For the first time this week I find it hard to understand what he's trying to say. I leave a message.

The hospice day care nurse rings to say she is trying to get a "navigator' for Robin to be with him if he attends one of their sessions. Someone else will ring next week to make an appointment to come and assess him. I'm pretty sure he won't be suitable for day care. But I'm grateful for the offer.

I change Robin's sheets and put a double duvet on the bed as an experiment to see if it solves the problem of him getting entangled in the single duvet or it slipping off which it is doing at the moment.

The computer man rings. He can come this evening. Which he does. And while Robin sleeps on in the bed under the double duvet the computer man identifies and solves the problem in 5 minutes all for £10. A huge relief.

Later I drive Robin round the country lanes for an hour then make a spinach and Parmesan  pasta supper  -  comfort food  - sticky with garlic and olive oil. 

 When a young man with a strong northern accent comes to the door selling dusters and gardening gloves and cleaning cloths - poor quality and expensive....because he's "done wrong" but is trying to go straight....I feel sorry for him and buy two things I don't need because that means he get's 20 % off  the cost of his accommodation tonight.

I've been weepy and impatient and self critical all day but that young man inspired me with his courage and resilience....knocking on doors....to mend his life.

 Whereas all I have to do to mend mine is to open my heart to myself...day in and day out,