Surviving Each Day

It's been muggy hot all day. And showery. I sweat even standing at the sink doing the washing up.

I finally make the connection about why I've had  a headache all day....the humidity.

It's either that or there is too much stuff for my head to hold - too many arrangements to make, too much juggling in the diary, filling in all those hours to keep Robin happy ...to keep me sane. Impossible - it has to leak out somehow.

I love this time of year in the farmers' market. I buy 4 fat corn on the cob wrapped in their pale green paper skins before I remember that Robin can't hold the cob or bite the kernels because of his wobbly lower front teeth. But I can always slice the kernels off and feed them to him on a spoon.

Tonight he doesn't eat much supper - baked carrots and squash, silky soft roasted brandy-wine tomatoes and green garlic- because he ate half a packet of the Millionaire's shortbread squares - a gift from his aunty - while we were  talking to new friend-carer who is coming to support us on a Wednesday.

  He tells her, in his scratchy blurry voice, about his other life, his life before his diseases...as an actor, a clown, a green and ethical financial advisor, a ceramicist. When he was living a big whole life without knowing it was precious and fragile and short.

But as I'm not trying to save his life anymore, just accompany him on his journey, I don't mind how many biscuits he eats.

Not trying to save my life either - just surviving each day, trying to remember to be kind.