I have entered and become lost in an entire world of Polyfiller smeared into cracks in the ceiling and into holes left by rawl plugs, masking tape stuck in long strips to the edges of dusty carpets, dripping paintbrushes and the swishing sound of roller against wallpaper.
But today it is so much easier in the company of young friend who can reach the places I can't who can squeeze the fat tubes of Polyfilller with out hurting his thumbs, who is strong enough to move the filing cabinets and bookcases with ease and who makes it all seem possible ... that an end could be in sight.,..that I don't have to do it all on my own.
And I still don't know why I'm putting myself through what is becoming a decorating/putting my house in order ordeal....the timing of it ...with Christmas hurtling towards me ...I could have left it all till January.
But I didn't ....and I'm loving what I can see emerging by cleaning my house with paint....reclaiming a year's worth of delay and indecision and doubt.....giving me a blank canvas to think...to feel my way into my obscure future...even if the cost is chaos, aches and pains. And re-living old patterns.
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