This morning my sister and I sit in my sunny lounge pouring over small square samples of limestone and slate - pink, black, grey, green. And sift through lots of colour photos and drawings and sketches....looking for ideas that resonate with mine.
A lovely man is sitting in the big armchair talking us through what is involved in making a memorial headstone. He's called a Lettering Artist and I'm commissioning him to make a totally unique one for Robin's grave.
This is just the first exploratory meeting. I was dreading it ...been wobbly and tearful at the weekend.... plunged deeply back into our life...and Robin's illness and death.... and everything that surrounded that....trying to feel into how to encapsulate him - the man and his open-armed loveliness - in a memorial headstone.
But the Lettering Artist is so sensitive and inspiring and practical he makes it easy ...easy for me to imagine something that would honour Robin, represent him....that he would love.
And there could be a space at the end to add And Trish and my dates. When that time comes.
Drama at the bird station.
Although I didn't see what happened - it could have been a rook or a pigeon or a squirrel - some creature knocked over Robin's ceramic Bird Woman head and broke off one of her side ear-wings.
And an invasion of starlings.
Up to now I've only seen two at a time but today there was a great flapping of wings and a flock of at least twelve zoomed in to the bird station and set to with their long beaks, hoovering up seeds and suet nibbles in seconds.
They have been coming and going all day...
cleaning out the feeders as fast as I fill them up.
A few robins and sparrows and great tits still fly in,
but I'm concerned that they will take over and
dominate
and frighten away the smaller birds....
I think they also eat baby birds...
and I here I was - worried about the Sparrowhawk which I haven't seen again.
Maybe the starlings are here to stay...and I'll have to find a way to adapt to them and their habits.
Today I unpacked a few more of Robin's ceramics which have been wrapped up in boxes in the garage ever since I moved.....wanting to give the Lettering Artist a flavour of Robin's quirkiness.
I have been keeping them safe in the garage before any building work starts....they get broken so easily....he was always sticking bits back on...claws and tails and ears...but it feels good to have them in view again.
And if they get broken, I could mend them - like sticking back the ear wing on Bird Woman head - or maybe it's just their time to go ....or time for me to live with them with their brokenness.
Some things aren't mendable...and I could learn to love them anyway.
Like my broken life.
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