Waves...House Whisperer....Sleep

Waves galore from Portugal - at the beginning of this month - feels like a lifetime ago.

My sister has been here today helping me sort and tidy the  rooms of the house....getting ready for two lovely House Whisperers who are coming tomorrow.....to talk to me and to the house....to clear any energies which might be stuck....to help me move....  or to stay. 

Last blog for a while....I'm taking a blogging break over the Easter holidays...I want to see if I can change my sleep patterns....go to bed earlier....get more rest. Sleep is supposed to be the best medicine .... and I do so want to feel better.

And I like how the Dalai Lama puts it too,

"Sleep is the best meditation".

Dog Rose of the Wild Forces

More images on a grey afternoon at Killerton yesterday...

and the  fire brightness of this sweet robin who let me get closer and closer before he flitted away.

I love the smell of bonfire

smoke

this from a rooty compost heap,

drifting through the trees,

smudging all my daffodil photos.

The sunset this evening ...

still light at nearly 8pm...

the clouds like a smokey fire....  

a thousand robin redbreasts smudging the sky.

 This morning 

my lovely kinesiologist/therapist prescribes an Australian Bush Essence for me called 

Dog Rose of the Wild Forces - such a marvellous name - I want to drink the whole bottle....even though I haven't ordered it yet.

It is to help you deal with fear but more importantly the fear of losing control....spot on for me at the moment ...but actually a theme of my life always.

I leave the session with some new feelings of trust...that from the point of view of my Highest Good then - 

It is safe not to know everything.

It is safe to receive.

It is safe to surrender to my emotions....to meet them as they are ....without having to control them or let them go....without feeling their intensity will unbalance me.

 A few drops a day to help me "find my centre in times of inner and outer turmoil".

That's how it works sometimes - just one drop of loving  kindness at a time...to myself...  feels more manageable than giving up a control habit of a lifetime.....

I tried to find a photo in my archives of our English Dog Rose which is different from the Australian one of the wild forces...but I got distracted by memories... so I'm posting this one instead. 

Spring ....Lambs...Eggshell Rawness...

Random weekend photos in the park......raindrop crocus,

breaking forth pussy willow..

nearly over camellia....

 and soft pink tinged hellebore in someone's front garden as I walk home.

 At my sister's farm on Saturday...very new babies in the neighbour's barn....

the mother had triplets but one of them died.....

and a different brave sweet lamb feeding one of the other mums.

Cheesy sweetcorn fritters for supper for the little ones and courgette and carrot ones  - spiced with chilli, garlic and coriander  - for the grown-ups.

The Butternut Squash and Lemon Cake  with pistachios and sprinkles...turned out to be very moist - especially in the middle - but needed the lemon marmalade drizzle glaze...squash hasn't really got enough flavour to  hold its own as a cake.

Sunday walk in glorious spring sunshine in the Somerset lanes with lovely group of ramblers....followed by seriously over-indulgent long lunch....so hard to stop nibbling at a well stocked cheese board...even when you haven't got a thumbnail of belly room left.

Today I walk with the daffodils...recovering from their snow burden....

the still leafless trees...

the woodland primroses...

and hungry crows in the gardens at Killerton House.

I loved all the stimulation and activity of sharing my weekend with lovely people..... and today I wanted the quietness

and the solitude which is more familiar to me now...

which I need to help me keep a hold on my internal world so that my head doesn't explode with

over thinking and trying to be 'normal' in company so no-one has to worry about me...or be afraid of upsetting me....which they may not be anyway .... not sure if I'm protecting them.... or myself..... from my current eggshell, fragile rawness.

Letting go of Cookery Books...and I Bake a Cake

Recent life on the pond....

Today my sister came and held my hand while I tried to decide which of my cookery books to donate  to the charity shop. Some of them I've had forever. I don't often read them now but they are part of my cooking history.....Elizabeth David, Prue Letith,  Jocelyn Dimbleby, Madhur Jaffrey. It wasn't as hard as I'd imagined to let some of them go.

 What was hard was taking out all the loose photographs, hand written birthday and thank you cards which I'd slipped between the pages to mark particular recipes...some of them from 25 years ago....little messages and sweet words.

And on the bottom shelf in a box file I find a folder of all the places we visited on our trip to New Zealand in 2014....the itinerary, brochures, maps, entry tickets...I open it and close it and put it back on the shelf. Not ready to de-clutter that memory yet.

We take a break for lunch. I'm using up as much as can out of the freezer this week ...I've discovered all sorts of goodies I'd forgotten were  in there - left over lime and coconut cake from Robin's picnic at Haldon Beleverdere last summer....a French apple tart I made from our own apples.... curried vegetable soup... an aloo gobi Clive's pie....and some beetroot and sweetcorn fritters.

The latter we heat up  and eat with a green salad, a lemon sesame dressing, my friend's wonderful Indian apricot and apple chutney and a last minute stir-fry of purple sprouting broccoli, grated ginger, carrot and cauliflower, crushed garlic... spritzed with sesame oil, soy sauce and a few spoonfuls of toasted pumpkin seeds stirred in at the end. 

Not a recipe I read in a cookery book - but probably inspired by a combination of many that I've absorbed over the years....but also probably not one I could repeat....it just depends what veggies are in the fridge today.

Later I cut the grass even though it's still a bit muddy. The first cut of the year. Just manage to finish it  before the rain blows in on the wind.

And I bake a cake. A new recipe from a magazine  - actually several recipes which I adapt after an internet trawl and a quick look in my Ottlolenghi recipe book ( one I'm keeping) - for a Butternut Squash, Almond and Lemon cake. 

It smells good when I take it out of the oven - not too savoury....a bit like a carrot cake....except I used pistachio nuts instead of walnuts.

I'll know the verdict tomorrow evening when the family cut into it ....although I'm not expecting the little ones to like it. Luckily there will be ice-cream for them.