Letting Him Go

More images of RHS Rosemoor Gardens at Great Torrington in Mid Devon last week.

After talking to one of Robin's enablers this morning, who isn't supposed to use a handling belt to get him out of the car - which he is finding more and more difficult -  I realise that we are facing a new level of caring. Really, unless you are trained in " moving and handling procedures" you shouldn't try and assist Robin up and down or in and out as you risk hurting /straining your back.  Which applies to me to. My back is already not great. Two people are always better than one. But  mostly it's just me.

This afternoon when he was out with another of his enablers - who has her "moving and handling" certificate, Robin had one of his coughing/ can't get his breath episodes. She stopped the car on the grass verge and got him out and calmed him down. She is an experienced carer. 

So now it doesn't feel right to ask anyone to take him out - all his lovely team of friends - without some training or advice about what to do in a 'crisis'. It's too much responsibility and I couldn't bear for someone to be hurt or frightened through looking after Robin. There must be some other way for him to see them.

Later I ring one of the care homes I have visited before which has a young people's unit for people with Robin's kind of condition. It only has 15 beds and is full of course, because it's good, and rare to find. But I  have put his name on the waiting list. For me to have some respite.

When Robin wakes up from his 4th sleep of the day I make us a cup of tea, sit with him at the table, weak evening  sun filtering in through the patio doors, and while I feed him a giant chocolate chip cookie I broach the subject of me not being able to go on looking after him at home, because if he gets worse, lifting and moving him could hurt my back.  Which means going somewhere where they could look after him properly. Or it could mean someone coming to live here for a while, stay in the  house, with me still being here, but to look after him properly.

He looks sad but says yes, it makes sense. And how will we pay for it? He asks if there is anywhere else apart from the place he stayed for a week previously ( the 5 star hotel). I say we could find somewhere and just try it out for a week or two. And we can find the money.

This  letting him go feels much harder than living with pulled muscles in my back.