Studland Bay, Dorset.... barking at the waves..
Yesterday we walked along this beach in steady pouring rain with my amazing cousin, his family, their dog and some friends. The occasion - to join him on the final 3 miles of his 630 mile trek around the South West Coastal Path.......in spite of the cancer he lives with....or maybe he would say because of it - the hidden gift of illness....
Later we dried out in their holiday house and toasted him with champagne - or Elderflower fizz - and a light and creamy vegan coconut cake......followed by a huge celebratory meal in an Indian restaurant....
I feel so inspired by his courage....his family's support.... all finding a way through this winding tunnel of living with loss....
Today I had a Family Constellation session ...throwing some light into my own dark tunnel......asking the question
Am I feeling my own dis-connection, isolation and fear or is some of it my husband's?
The thorny problem of transference......the possibility of more freedom for both of us if I unwind this one.....its roots stretching far back into the past when I thought somehow that I had to look after my mother - even though I was little....and it wasn't my job.....
This evening we walked in chestnut woods..... stepping over the split prickly shells of the conkers.. picking up their smooth satin brown seeds......clean new offerings for the taking...
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