Clear Light

11th May 2012 Friday

I share an emotional bowl of porridge ( plus honey, hazalnuts and banana) with a friend in a delicious new cafe in Exeter. She helps me to plant some signpsots in the desolate landscape I see stretching into my future.Ones I can read in the dark.

What if I  chose this journey at this juncture of my life for a reason, to learn how to love, to give something back, to wake up? To accompany my husband on his journey - all the way? As if there was nothing else to do. And to give up all those things I thought I wanted for us in our mythical Happy Ever After. That this could even be better than that. Athough it doesn’t look like it right now - unless I’m wearing magic glasses.

I spend the afternoon in the garden with the slugs and snails which have come out after the rain like a crunchy rash all over the hostas and hydrangeas.

This evening the sun sparkles into the kitchen highlighting all the smeary marks on  the patio doors. While I’m waiting for the potatoes to roast I get out the clever window cleaner gadget I’ve had for years and wipe away all the grime.

Letting in clear light.