Backing Off

3rd May 2012 Thursday

I’m stuck behind a learner driver in an annoyingly bright yellow and black car. She’s bumbling along at  much less than 20mph like a slightly drunk bee. I’m usually patient with learner drivers - I was there once, leaning, making mistakes etc etc -  but this afternoon all my reasonableness flies out of the window. I drive too close to her.

Then I suddenly realise what’s in my face. I’m the learner now. Trying to find my way on a new bumpy road, crashing the gears and not looking in the rear mirror. But no-one is sitting on my bumper saying you should be going faster. Just the opposite - they are loving me, letting me go at my own pace, holding my hand, pointing out the bollards, the stop signs.

I back off from the car in front of me and although she doesn’t hear me I tell her I’m really sorry and wish her well.

Which is what I need to do with my husband - back off, say sorry -   because I learned today that when I’m being too responsible for him, imagining I know what’s best for him, wanting him to be different, then I lose sight of us both. 

And that is the road to hell.