It's 6pm when I get up from the computer. I don't know how the afternoon can disappear so fast. I take my camera and walk to the University Parks - dusk already falling. I love it that I can just leave the house whenever I want to, for as long as I want. Such a long forgotten, taken-for-granted freedom. The only reason to come back because it's getting dark, my fingers are dead white cold and I'm hungry.
I was awake in the night, my mind churning. So I overslept. At the home they are getting Robin up after his second sleep, after his shower earlier. He says he doesn't want breakfast. I ask the carer to bring the green smoothie from the fridge and he drinks most of it. We are just about to go out when the teenage doctor comes in. He says not to worry too much about not eating and drinking yet and prescribes Movicol for constipation.
As I'm manoeuvring the wheelchair past the bed the physiotherapist who works at the home arrives and wants to talk through all Robin's needs. He's lovely with Robin who doesn't understand a word he says as he has a strong Nigerian accent.
By the time we get into the car I can see Robin is already tired and we get as far as the turn off for Haldon Woods - about 10 minutes - and he wants to turn back.
I finally get him into bed and he's nearly asleep when the respiratory nurse arrives - an hour early - and wants to demonstrate how to use the breathing machine to all the carers so that they can help Robin to fit the mask, check the timings, take it off for him.. We went to the hospital a few days before he came in to the home for him, and me, to learn how to use it. But we never got the chance as everything else happened so quickly.
I can't decide whether to stay or not - but in the end I wake Robin up and warn him about what's going to happen and then leave them to it ...with all the carers gathering outside his door even through it's their lunch time.
I'm so grateful for all this amazing care and attention he is getting....releasing me to start caring for myself ....slowly, slowly....one walk in the park at a time.