Not Devotional....Addicted to Fat and Sugar - the Healthy Way

  Gorgeous painted wall panel by the artist Deborah Main. I visited her and her exhibition a few weeks ago on a cool wet Sunday 

when the sea mist was hanging heavy over the red cliffs of Sidmouth...

I sit with myself again this morning...but notice I'm distracted by needing to be ready for cleaner coming at 9am....and I cut it short.

I'm wondering if really I am not a devotional or contemplative sort of person....that maybe the open space I'm seeking will come obliquely...as the lovely Belinda of 'Mad Englishwoman and Dog' fame suggests ....through writing....cooking ...taking photos. I need to think more about it... Or maybe I'm just avoiding having a regular  morning practice before I slip into the busy mantle of my day.

Not so busy today.... which I like. 

I walk into town - blustery cold wind and sun -  to have my eyes tested...need new lenses...I have become more long sighted in the last 2 years. I wish that was symbolic but actually I can hardly bear to look into the future...it only feels shrouded in mist....and I'm trying to stay with all uncertainty as if it is normal and not scary.

I pick dandelion leaves in  Northernhay Gardens on my way home....wonder if  it counts as stealing...to add to the stinging nettles and kale and spinach for my green smoothie. After watching Hugh Fearnely Wittingstall's programme about fighting obesity -  a third of us in this country are overweight( apparently the new normal)  -  I feel like a miniscule minority  - just because I know what kale is and even like it. 

Some of the children in one of the more deprived areas of Newcastle where he is filming have never eaten a vegetable.

One family's salad drawer in the fridge contained only chocolate bars in wrappers. And 2 onions.

 It's easy to be superior about it but I have no idea what it's like to be poor ....to live on benefits and have no access to proper food....only takeaways and chips. I would be overweight and addicted to fat and sugar too.

 In fact I am addicted to fat and sugar - it's just that I can dress it up in a 'healthy' version to make it sound better. And actually it is. And it's not the only food I eat.

Yesterday to satisfy my sweet tooth - the same as those in Newcastle - I made chocolate date and walnut fudge halva with no sugar.

This is the recipe.

100g of tahini

100g of  dried dates

100g of dark chocolate - melted

1 teaspoon of vanilla essence

50g of walnuts chopped.

Cook the dried dates in some water till soft and blend till smooth. 

Mix together with the tahini, add the vanilla essence and chopped nuts and stir in the melted chocolate.

 Spread out on a small baking tray lined with parchment paper and put in the fridge.

Cut into squares and imagine it's a Mars Bar.... or a Twix.