In Two Minds....

Easing my way into blogging again.......some random photos from the last few weeks.

31st March. Robin's birthday. He would have been 65.

Flooded garden from all the relentless rain we had.

My wonderful garden entertainment....

Feeding the birds

gives me a daily purpose.

Even though

they delve into my winter

patio pots full of geraniums killed by the frost

and scatter soil everywhere.

I see him - or her - every day....sometimes only a tiny glimpse of redbreast.

An occasional lovely sky in the evening....the days longer now.

 My contribution to Easter  Monday lunch with the family....Camembert Tomato and Asparagus Tart...

and a chocolate mousse and raspberry roulade.

A smart birthday lunch for a dear friend at the Seaside Boarding House at Burton Bradstock in Dorset.

My twice baked cheese souffle and 

her wild mushroom mousse and crisp  Italian flatbreads.

In spite of this warning 

we walked with dog and lots of other people

a short way along the beach, which is where the TV series 'Broadchurch' was filmed...and also where a young woman was tragically killed in a landslide a few years ago.

These are the beautiful rose cards I chose at random for a reading  - a bit like a Tarot reading  -  during the session I had with the House Whisperers.

They were sensitive and intuitive and skilled...they sensed a part of  Robin was still stuck here...they talked to him...he talked to them. They helped me to let go of Robin in the house. They helped Robin to let go of me in the house.

After they had gone, taking one each of Robin's ceramics, leaving a rich deep perfume of frankincense smoke in all the rooms, the house felt clear and peaceful and so did I.

And the house still feels much better but I'm no longer clear.

 I'm jittery, unsettled, weepy.

 I'm conflicted and in two minds...about everything...about the  eco place I want to buy....may not be able to afford it after all....should I stay here after all.....look for a different house....just wait? I have only had a few viewings...feel under pressure to reduce the price...which I have....and also under pressure from the place I want to move to ....time running out there....and I'm not in control of any of it....lost all my initial enthusiasm and certainty.

My friends say, when in doubt do nothing.

So that's what I'm doing. ...and walking in the park and feeding the birds....and noticing how little stamina I have....what little appetite I have for each new day.

 On my walk this afternoon I was surprised and thrilled 

to see that 'my' mallards 

have become parents

to these adorable fluff balls.

One thing I can be sure of, however unclear mine is,

life goes on in the park ....no doubt about that.

This rose is for the dear special people in my life who celebrated something yesterday.

Robin's aunty was 90.

My big sister and her husband were married for 46 years.

Their son-in-law was 41 - I think I have got that right.

With my love to you all.