19th December 2012 Wednesday
A strange thing happens this afternoon. I take a break from standing in the kitchen as my back is aching and I lie down on the sofa. I don’t remember falling asleep but when I wake, just for a few seconds before I open my eyes, I have no recollection where I am, what room I am in, what country I’m in, if I’m in bed, what day it is, if it is day or night. Nothing. Not a single anchor or clue - like being suspended in a pale empty void, trying to guess where I could be. Or even who I could be.
Then the instant before I realise I’m in the sitting room, I remember - THE CAKE. There is a fruit cake in the oven and I leap up convinced I’ve been asleep for hours and it’ll be burnt. It’s not and I’ve only been out of the kitchen for five minutes. Five minutes when I lost myself to a space with no address, no time, no identity and no fear....
I wonder if that’s what it must be like for my husband when he hits a word he knows but it has no meaning - it’s just a void which plunges him into nothingness. And where there are no clues to pull him out. To return him to the familiar.. No enticing cake aromas to rescue him from certain blankness......
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