The sky tonight from my study window.
We were going to walk into town to buy shampoo and toothpaste from the health food shop and pick up the Amazon parcel that came yesterday, from the post office. But Robin says he would be walking later with the Walking Group so he wanted to go in the car.
They cancelled the Walking Group yesterday so I was trying to fill in the day but then they found someone to take Robin out for a couple of hours but it was too late to reinstate my lunch plans with a friend. I know they won't be doing any walking. And Robin will only eat cake for lunch.
The parcel was a pair of elasticated waist sweat pants with no zip so Robin doesn't have to struggle with a belt and button and zip every time he goes to the loo. But tonight I notice he's having great difficulty pulling them up. The fingers of his right hand feel less stiff and bent but the grip/dexterity in both of them is worse.
I keep forgetting to do the washing up before I go to bed - he always used to do it.
He watches me carry the heavy shopping bags in from the car and says,
I'm turning into such an arsehole. I hate not being able to help you any more.
I say,
You aren't and it's not your fault - you can't help it.
But we both know everything is different now and the cost is showing in the ever widening space between us as the scales of doing stuff dip lower and lower on my side.
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