Robin's Trousers and What Happened To Me?

As we walk around the gardens at Killerton house this afternoon the wind bites and stings my face. It feels bleak and miserable and dull.  Swathes of daffodils marching across to the grassy slopes are the only brightness. Robin continually hoists up his trousers - the elasticated ones with a pull string at the waist. Today we tried them without the braces.

But we end up in the disabled toilet again. This time Robin can't undo the zip on his jacket or pull his sweat pants down. I help him but my heart sinks deep when I imagine the consequences of not being able to go to the loo on his own.Then I realise that the waist band is pulled too tight - he wants it like that to keep them up -  but if he has it looser but wears the braces at least he only needs someone to undo and do those up. So we'll try that tomorrow.

And  also tomorrow I'll collect his pair of jeans which  I took to be altered  - zip and button replaced with velcro. Who knows - that may be the answer. But I'm not holding my breath.

 Sometimes I take a little step back and look at my life as if it was someone else's. Sometimes it doesn't feel quite real or right that my thoughts are all about Robin's trousers and nothing else. And I ask myself what happened to me?

We have a cup of tea in the cafe at Killerton but my cheese and chive scone ( not at all gluten free) is heated up in the microwave so is tough and hard to swallow.  I struggle to find any hint of either cheese or chive in the gluey dough.

The highlight of my day is having the lovely PA come for her first visit. We talk about the possibility of her helping to get Robin up and dressed two days a week- instead of the agency carers I've been offered -  which I feel much better about. She also leaves me with a sparkling clean kitchen floor.  Which lifts my dull spirits no end. 

I'm making a butternut squash, spinach, leek and tomato sauce to have with the pasta tonight. It's rice pasta - gluten free. My own logic about avoiding gluten defies me  - I can't seem to do all or nothing or be consistent about anything. Just the way it is today.