A Waiting Day

A waiting day.....

I walk in the park waiting for the hospital to ring back about when Robin will be discharged.

Then I'll know how long I've got .... if I can take the birthday cake round to my friend before or afterwards.

At the hospital I wait for Robin to do his hand exercises while I pack up his bag. I don't have to wait for the discharge letter - there is no medication to take home.

Robin wants to have a drive before we go home. We get caught up in road closures, diversions on winding country lanes.

I could be enjoying it like he is but really I'm waiting till we can go home.

While he sleeps I cook. The nurse says he didn't eat breakfast and for the last three days he's only eaten the desserts on his meal trays. And biscuits.

So I chop up butternut squash, sweet potato, carrots and parsnips into big chunks and roast them in olive oil and garlic. I make an omelette with grated Halloumi cheese and steam a pan of purple sprouting  broccoli.

I wait for him to wake up, my stomach growling.

 I put a small amount on his plate, dollop on some sweet chilli sauce and scatter it with salted cashew nuts - his favourites.

He does eat it but I help him with the fork as his left hand is painful where the cannula for the drip has been inserted for days, leaving a bruise on the back of his hand.

Later  I wash up but really I'm waiting  for him to wake up so that I can help him with his shower and then I can go to bed.

But in the end he doesn't get up and I say Let's do it in the morning and I make him a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits and leave them downstairs while he sleeps on.  

I make up a bed in the spare room for me so he doesn't wake me up when he's finished watching the many episodes of Family Guy on TV which run into the early hours. I hope he'll sleep tonight but we'll have to wait and see.

 It's probably because I had a little taste these last few days of only looking  after me that it feels so hard. I know that waiting is just not being here now but I haven't found a way yet to get on easily with my life...weave mine around his.....without one ear cocked, listening .... just in case he falls.....calls out ....needs me.

Birthday cake.