Those Small Dark Rooms

Sunday -  the view from the top of Dunster Castle in North Somerset.

The sun trying to burst through its cloud blanket....

briefly...over the mill stream.

Robin gracing the bridge in his new jacket.

Sunday lunch - cheese and onion pasties in the pop up cafe by the car park as the restaurant in the castle was closed. We ate them at a picnic table under a big blue umbrella to keep out of the fine spitting rain. 

Someone was having a firework party on Sunday night.....

sharing it with the whole street.

A tearful, wobbly day.....scaring myself with the idea that I can't have a life of my own alongside my care taking role.....not the one I thought I was having anyway......as I see how much Robin's weak arm and hand restrict him, disable him. As the doors slowly close around him, the rooms I live in become smaller and darker....I  find it harder and harder to leave him for any time alone.

But this afternoon as I know he's in the capable company of a big hearted friend I accept a lovely invitation to go to the movies. I disappear for a few hours in the darkness  of the cinema,  totally absorbed by Maggie Smith in Alan Bennett's play The Lady and the Van. It's such a treat -  I feel like  I'm joining the grown ups in the real world. 

And I have another treat tomorrow - a blissful night away with friends.....a day at the Spa.....knowing Robin is safe in the hands of my dear sister who will stay with him..... while I learn how to receive the gift of pampering and loving myself.....leaving behind any residues of guilt in one of those small dark rooms which need spring cleaning anyway.

And this is a candle for Paris.