No Certainty No Comfort

 Sunday in Somerset at Montacute House -Tudor Mansion ( now of Wolf Hall fame as some of it was filmed here). It stays bright and warm enough in the sun to eat our  smoked salmon sandwich picnic. But we keep our coats on.

When it turns cloudy and cold we go inside the house,

where we've been many times before but

although the library is unchanged a lot of the paintings of people in Henry the Eight's court in the long gallery have gone.

This pussy cat high on the windowsill reminds me so much of Flapjack, 

but not quite so beautiful.

The borders in the gardens are mostly bare except for a few November snapdragons in a sheltered bed near the kitchens. It's getting dark when we leave at 4pm.

On Saturday I walk into town to have my hair cut. I suggest to Robin that he comes in later to meet me for a coffee. When he rings me I'm in the queue at the EE mobile shop buying a SIM card for his phone. He sounds upset. He says he can't come to meet me because he can't do up his 'toilets'. That could mean his shoes or his trousers. I work out it's his jeans but not if it's the zip or the belt. I go to M&S and buy him a belt with a clip fastening instead of a buckle.

But when he shows me the problem at home it's that he can't do up the button, hasn't got the strength to bring the two ends of the waistband together. And the zip is tricky for him as well. It wasn't yesterday though.

So now I'm researching where to buy elasticated waist trousers and velcro fastening shoes.

This evening after our gentle healing/transforming session in Sidmouth we stop at Waitrose for supplies. I'm stocking the freezer and the cupboards with food for when I go away on Thursday for a week - for when my brother-in-law comes to stay with Robin.

 As we walk around the aisles my hands get colder and colder, my fingers more and more numb and useless. I can't get my debit card out of my purse or slot the car key into the lock or feel the steering wheel in my hands.

This is what it must be like for Robin all the time with his right hand. At least I know I can de-frost my fingers that the feeling will come back eventually. He doesn't have that certainty, that comfort.