The last photos I took on Saturday at the National Trust's Arlington Court and Carriage Museum in North Devon, before my camera broke. Or rather the ON/OFF button jammed in the ON position. It's still useable if I put the battery back in but I'm feeling bereft. It's costly to mend it - thinking about buying another one. My husband says he'll contribute and make it an early - very early - birthday and Christmas present.
SATURDAY
I plunge into a deep, craggy cavern filled with the writhing snakes of self hatred and shame - following an incident with my husband in a cafe - made a hundred times worse by me.....fear and control on the rampage.....
SUNDAY
I claw my way inch by inch out of the pit.... with the listening kindness of my dear sisters who coach me in the concepts of Parentlink and the loving way to offer choices and consequences....I apologise to my husband.....start soothing the wounds I give myself...bask in the joy of having, unexpectedly, both my sisters to myself for some whole stolen hours at home...
TODAY
While our gardener stands on a ladder and prunes back the wild waving ivy on the fence I take my secateurs and hack back the rampaging honeysuckle and wisteria on the back trellis - letting the light into small dark corners....
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