A Safe Pair Of Hands

Tonight sitting in the circle at our Deeksha meditation I feel sad- probably the music sets me off -and I feel young and small and overwhelmed by trying to be a grown up, trying to be being responsible for everything.... .....and I want my daddy....not my real father....... but a mythical daddy...... an archetypal daddy to hold me in his wide arms...... to look after me and say,

I will do it.....you don't have to ....just let go....... you are safe now.

I think I would trust this angel daddy. But of course I wouldn't......after  awhile I'd find a way to feel let down and disappointed....

So I keep coming back to this thing....there is no safety 'out there' - only 'in here' - in my own heart.....and the way to that is not to try and look after everyone else with my bankrupt soul, my empty arms, but to put on my own oxygen mask first then I can nourish someone else, love them from my own loved and replenished lungs......

And I'm trusting I'll find a way to do that even though at the moment I have no ideas...no experience of the kind of relentless self care- not selfishness - I'm imagining I need to be a safe pair of hands to my own heart.