Grumpy

4th July 2012 Wednesday

Not sure why I end up being so cross and grumpy tonight. The pussy cat is fed up with me - I tried to make him eat his horrible bitter tablet crushed up in butter but he wouldn’t. Even though it worked yesterday. He’s eating very little and sleeping all the time. I’m dreading taking him back to the vet tomorrow for more chemo under sedation.

I try to watch the men’s quarter finals and make a tricky vegan chocolate cake at the same time. Texture a bit gritty with roasted hazelnuts but the frosting looks like real chocolate icing  even though it’s just coconut oil, argave syrup, cocoa powder and orange zest.

When I come to wrap up the lemon polenta cake I made this morning - the non vegan birthday cake - I find it’s totally raw in the middle. I don’t know how long it takes to re-bake a cold cake. I leave it in the oven too long and now it’s over cooked and dry.

This evening the sun pours into the kitchen. My husband comes home with a bag of pale wet and dirty strawberries, a bag of broad beans and three huge artichokes. I’m grateful for them and I don’t want to deal with them. I don’t want to cook supper. I shout at my husband when he offers me a glass of wine. We have an agreement not to drink in the week.

I think I’m just fed up with me and I’m taking it out on him. And I want my cakes to taste wonderful but I don’t think they will. It’s probably not good to have this tantrum in writing....