The roasted tomato, aubergine and yellow patti-pan squash tart I made for the big extended family get- together in Weston Super Mare on Saturday. My father's side of the family. The older generation is diminishing now. I love all my cousins....can't keep up with the increasing number of their grandchildren though. But they know me.... remind me I belong in a clan...which helps when I feel so diminished without Robin.
Today I wake up with a great fear hanging over me....can't shake the feeling of smallness...of needing to be grown up in the face of any adversity.....when I just want to play in the long grass of childhood freedom.....knowing someone else has my back....taking care of the hard stuff.
I wade through some of the TO DO list....nothing flows....no-one returns my calls.....all arrangements on hold.
The best thing for me to do when I'm disconnected from myself and overwhelmed is to cook.
So I make a Bakewell Tart and mess about with the recipe....add lemon rind to cut the sweetness of the raspberry jam and the frangipane filling. The mixture curdles......I add more almonds and scatter fresh raspberries over the jam. Thanks to Paul Hollywood for that idea.
I'll only find out if it's cooked or still raw in the middle - which it usually is - when I cut into it tomorrow - round the table with my sweet great -nieces - visiting from Italy - not even sure they eat tart but I know they like ice cream - and I've made plenty of that.
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