Only one large white and a few small blue agapanthus flowers have bloomed in the garden this year. I love them. They are forever associated in my mind with my Grandfather in South Africa and my family in Canada.
7am. I start clearing out the small fridge in the utility room.
Hospice Care - a very good charity who offer a free house clearance service - are coming tomorrow morning. They are clearing out the loft and shed and taking away some furniture, like the dining room table and six chairs which are too big for my new house, and other things which they can sell in their shop or re-cycle.
Fortunately I have a second fridge so I transfer most of the contents, except a lot of bottles of condiments which have been there for far too long - sweet chilli sauce that for a while Robin used to smother on everything he ate....a jar of umiboshi plums...a tub of Dutch pear and apple spread....a bottle of carob syrup and out of date mayonnaise and mustard. I still find it hard to throw away food....even if I can't eat it.
Although it is still uncertain ...and it all depends on what the roofer finds when he puts up his ladder tomorrow.... after much negotiation on the phone all day..... tomorrow is now also D-Day. Exchange of contracts day when it is hard to back out of the sale and purchase and very expensive if you do.
Not that I or my sellers or my buyers want to...it's just been getting more and more intense ..... a long and tricky haul to arrive at this point.
As my cranio-sacral therapist said this afternoon it's like another death and also a re-birth at the same time. I haven't yet truly felt the finality of Robins' death, but this ending ...this leaving of our 15 years home is a brutal severance. I'm buffering it with the enormity of a zillion things to do to make it happen.
The truth of it may only start to sink in when I've handed over the keys and stepped though a different front door and into the beginning of my just-me life.
I'm expecting the re-birth to take a long long time.
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