The Lightening Path

I'm tidying up before the cleaner comes. All Robin's things we brought back from the home are still in the sitting room. I don't know what to do with his shaving kit.....any of it.....this visible thread to him....leading nowhere. I know I'll be able to face it later but at the moment it feels like a raw drawer I don't want to open. 

In town.....I'm trying to find something to wear on Tuesday.....M&S still smells of the smoke from the burning down of the Royal Clarence Hotel last week. Some streets are cordoned off so the narrow side streets are packed with people taking the detour....I feel insubstantial, indecisive, overwhelmed...I buy a coat and go home.

I'm opening lovely condolence cards.....a dear friend writes about Robin.....'that to reach a place of such loving open heartedness and selfless love that he attained at the end of his life is our common goal. And he made it!...... at some level Robin opted for the 'lightening path'....

I love that image.....and I know he is 'happy and free' where he is now...and he chose to go....chose all of it. He touched all of us with the gift of his smile, with the love in his smile. It's just that I want to feel it one more time.

 He'd want me to let go.....and I will.... I just need to walk this long dark path first... alone...and loved...one slow step at a time.

Sunset tonight.....it could also be sunrise.