In Exmouth this afternoon after lovely tea with dear friends in Lympstone nearby. Our hostess made a crunchy crusted lemon drizzle cake and divinely decadent chocolate cake - being deliciously mindful of my request for softness in Robin's diet.
I could have stayed much longer in their company but now I'm ever conscious that Robin can't follow much of the conversation and although he loves the idea of being with people the reality of not being able to interact is stressful for him. So he's always nudging me to leave quite soon after we arrive anywhere. It's a bit like getting up from the table still hungry, looking back longingly at the half eaten cake you'd like to finish, not quite satisfied.
It's the same with walking now. When we arrive at the sea front in Exmouth Robin says he doesn't want to get out. So I leave him in the car with the radio tuned to Classic FM, take my camera and start walking along the deserted promenade. I want to take my shoes off and run down to the mirror stillness of the sea and walk for hours and for miles along the empty beach stretching into forever with just a few crows for company.
But I said I'd be back in 15 minutes so I keep to the path and keep my word. And I tell the bit of me that wants to fly away like a black crow,
"Not yet. Not yet."
There may come a time when I can just please myself all of the time. Imagine having my cake and eating it too. At least taking as long as I want to finish it.
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