Unfamiliar Freedom

The house is full of men, painting windows and doors, even after Robin leaves this morning - seemingly cheerful -   with the the lovely woman who is taking care of him for the next 2 days.

So I escape to Sidmouth where it's all blue sky, white cloud, blustery wind, seagulls calling and windsurfers zooming across the waves.

 I spend my first pension payment - well some of it - on on a  zipped, sling, backpack handbag and a leaf green scarf printed with swallows.

I buy haddock and chips and sit on the pebbly beach eating it out of its white box, the lid blowing in the wind. I'm not great at eating in public on my own so this is a first for me.  I'm soon surrounded by a family of little red haired children, the eldest one bossing her sister about - unsuccessfully  -  (reminding me of myself at that age trying to boss my little cousins on holiday in SA)  and chucking pebbles into the sea - ignoring  me completely - perfect.

Back home I give the men cups of tea and flapjack while they pack up their painting gear and sweep up the dust. I don't really know how to use this unfamiliar freedom so I revert to normal work ethic - make up the bed with clean sheets, roast our allotment cherry tomatoes, mow the lawn and cut the edges with scissors. Then I wash up  - also unfamiliar now as Robin always does it, for which I'm eternally grateful -  for all the time it saves me.

I drive to my late evening hair appointment for a cut and ridiculous bouffant blow-dry. The town is buzzing with Friday night diners and drinkers - flowing onto the pavements from the pubs and cafes. Another world.....a life I used to know a long time ago.

I come home via Waitrose and pick up some fizz...... treat myself to my absolute favourite chocolates  Booja Booja Hazelnut Truffles ( they always remind me of my late dear cousin)..... a bath with  beautiful freesia soap -  a fragrant gift.....and later scrambled eggs on toast and a film on telly - The Boat That Rocks.

All pure indulgence -  tinged with sadness and guilt after Robin calls and says he didn't have a very nice day..... but I did  have a nice day before I knew that....