The Mattress And The Moons On This Thursday

Before lunch we buy a new mattress. At Dreams - half price sale. Lovely, helpful non pushy salesman. We lie on three beds - 5 minutes. Choose one. Paperwork - 10 minutes. Delivery on Saturday. Job done in 15 minutes - can't believe I've been putting off getting a new mattress for at least 2 years thinking it would be a long and difficult process. Timing perfect though - springs finally gone. Takes longer to get home through rain and heavy Exeter traffic than it does to buy a mattress.

After lunch more traffic and rain on way to Exmouth - drop off wedding present for friends on way. Robin wants to go to Poundland in Exmouth but rain so torrential we don't even get out of the car. Drive home via post office, yawing, through long rush hour queues -  explaining to Robin where Mexico is, that an Andrew isn't a thing, it's a person's name, what pollution means, what a boatyard is, and yes, I do know where I'm going and no, I don't know yet what we are doing on Saturday morning.

At home he makes coffee.  Briefly I lose the will to live. Can't face dealing with the post and the claim forms from Devon County Council that need filling in. Think I just want to lie down and sleep for a week. But I start making supper instead. Dice an onion. Mince up garlic. Slice fresh tomatoes. Make the kitchen into a fragrant fug. Douse sweet potato wedges in olive oil and sea salt and bake them in the oven. Scrub tiny carrots and scoot them into the chunky green melange of beans, broccoli and courgettes.

By the time I've chopped a fan of peppery flat-leaved parsley to stir into the steaming tomato sauce I've started to come back to myself......remember who I am in this moment, even in this ordeal....feel my feet on the sticky kitchen floor that needs cleaning.... but not now, not today.

Now I'll call Robin to lay the table and we'll have our Thursday supper. And then I'll look past his beaming face into the garden and let the beauty of the white ball heads of the agapanthus shining like pale, washed moons in the dusk be everything I need for now.