Mother Wounds

Spot the elephant....

Spring in the gardens and in the woods at Killerton House on Sunday.

This morning in my family constellation session I gaze down at the patterns of coloured felt squares and discs laid out on the wooden floor representing my family and RC's family and  I see so much mother death..... mother loss..... loss of mothering, stretching back into the generations..... feeling the scars of such deep wounds even now.....but not mine ....giving them back for healing. 

I've never been a mother but I'm noticing that it's that kind of unconditional love I need to call on now,  dig deep for -  for myself and for RC  - to get me through the days and the nights of this time. To be a carer to him, not a wife now, without being a parent. To have another chance to be vulnerable and strong.

 Tonight after another amazingly helpful coaching session, I sit at the supper table with RC and with the sun sinking low in the sky, I say sorry to him for all those years when I held myself back, so afraid of intimacy, so afraid to love in case I lost myself somehow. He knows it's true.  Which makes things clean between us. Makes it possible to find a new way to be together as his world shrinks and mine grows..... but with the pulse of Love always sustaining us.