Taking Care

Lupins

Sage

and lavender at the allotment.

At the hospital, waiting for our appointment to see the new clinical psychologist, we meet our Mindfulness teacher.

She hugs us in turn.

Afterwards my husband says,

Who was that?

The new clinical psychologist isn’t our old clinical psychologist who knew us from the beginning and whose experience and insight and exquisite listening I trusted and valued beyond reason......

This new man is so young and earnest and clumsy that he he might as well be a chocolate teapot....no hope of reaching me through my unspoken veil of  ‘How can you help us when you are about 15 years old and you don’t know anything?’ 

And yet and yet......in the end we agree to another session because we talked abour how do you take care of each other or create meaning in a new life when you can’t do what you did in your old life? Especially if it still hurts so much ...

One of the ways my husband took care of me was to provide and income for us by taking care of his clients. He doesn’t see doing the washing up as comparable. 

So how to lay down other grooves of meaning?

Maybe letting go of our old clinical psychologist and giving the new one a chance could be a start.....

While my husband picks lupins and strawberries at the allotment, I eat my way through nearly a whole packet of tortilla crisps, and two nectarines and a buttered scone, watching Andy Murray nearly lose his quarter final......and feel like a wrung out wet rag afterwards.

Later my husband goes out for fish and chips which takes care of both of us - no cooking for me and no washing up for him.