Delphiniums blue..
Sunlight yellow.....
Melded into Iris joy.....
How are you?
Tonight a friend who I haven’t seen for a while asks me this.
I don’t know how to reply. I find myself saying.
OK ....sort of....not really....
Shite, then.....says another friend.
The thing is, is that if I stop and think about it I will automatically plunge into that feeling I always have now that something is deeply wrong.....beyond my control....as if a Dementer out of Harry Potter has grabbed the reigns of the horse I’m riding and we are galloping off into an abyss....
So if I just keep the diary full and my to-do list long it’s easier not think too much.....
But when a crisis ( shock horror of diagnosis of husband’s brain disease) turns into a wobbly uncertain status quo ( everything looks normal but nothing is any more, and the the future you live into is bereft of joy) other strategies are called for.
In Gerald Jampolsky’s book, Teach Only Love, he says,
......it’s not people or external circumstances that cause us to be upset. Rather what causes us conflict and distress are our thoughts, feelings and attitudes about people and events.....Healing is letting go of fear and our negative hurtful thoughts from the past.
If Nelson Mandela could do it .....and his circumstances were a million times worse than mine.....then I can....take back the reigns in my heart.... change my thoughts.....choose to ride into joy.....moment by moment...
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