Give Up Guilt?

2nd November 2012

Second intermittent fasting day but too busy to make our meals anything other than joyless. Too cold for salad but we eat it anyway and count out 5 walnuts - 10 for my husbad -  for protein. Gingered up cod and broccoli for early supper. The evening stretches ahead with nothing to look forward to....I hoover up a couple of raisins and hazelnuts from the gribbles of the flapjack I’m cutting up for tomorrow’s Christmas Fayre. 

I’m tense, grumpy, on edge, at screaming point all day with the pussy cat. He starts to cry at the closed kitchen door wanting to go upstairs to drink out of the bath - a terrible howling sound. The towel thing isn’t really working - I want him to drink from his bowl. It’s a battle of wills. I give in finally  - I wouldn’t leave a baby to cry for a second - what am I doing  - so what if he gets soaked? So what if he pees on the floor - at least it isn’t the carpet.

I’m asking myself what this little furry creature is trying to tell me. I really don’t know but some words came tonight when I asked him in my head what can I do.

It’s time to give up guilt.

Guilt about everything. I’m trying to imagine what it would be like to not feel bad about all my decisions.....like I said I’d make mincemeat to sell at the Fayre but I didn’t. Feeling guilty is insane and pointless and only hurts me....wonder why it’s so addictive....wonder how you do it.

Think I just heard the pussy cat squeaking downstairs. But I’m going to bed....and trust that all is well and things are unfolding as they should....