Neighbours

I'm invited to a drinks party at the house of one of our lovely neighbours. Old neighbours and new neighbours will be there.

We stopped going to these parties a few years ago. When I couldn't cope with Robin's unpredictable behaviour. They were always sweet about it ......him eating all the peanuts, and kissing everyone  and making loud announcements to the whole room when we were leaving. All quite mild and harmlessbut it got beyond my comfort zone......my embarrassment threshold.

So tonight I stand in their warm kitchen with a glass of Prosecco for courage, and talk to people I don't know and to people I do know. I avoid the devils on horseback ( prunes and bacon rolls) and stick to the crisps.

At one point I'm chatting to a lovely woman and her young daughters and it comes up that my husband died very recently and she says such a nice thing to me.

Is it hard coming here tonight then?

I say, Yes it is, and she tells me she's divorced and she finds it hard too coming to a party without her husband. But she has her children.

Divorce and death. One feels like a choice and one doesn't but the end result is the same.

At the moment I'm steering a course between wanting to be with people and wanting to be alone..... mostly preferring to be alone. I didn't stay too long at the party and it was good to be able to come home and draw the curtains and shut out the world. But I'm also so grateful too to know that at any time I could knock on nearly any door up and down my street and I would be welcomed and invited in.

And tonight the number of those doors just increased.