This Isn't Forever

 For the last two days I've been trying to make jam with the 2 kilos of black currants I picked at the allotment. Can't seem to find an uninterrupted stretch of time. At least they are picked over and washed and ready for the sugar now.

Although I did make little pillows of brown sugar meringues with Robin as that only takes 10 minutes. He loves them so much - I can always find 10 minutes - provided the oven is free.

I buy the best eggs in Exeter from Shillingford Organics in the farmers' market.This morning though I  bought 3 boxes as usual and somehow left them behind on the weighing table. Like I left behind the 5 globe artichokes I picked on the grass path at the allotment. I found the strawberries I left behind last week, the box on its side and most of them gone or pecked. I must be getting scatter brained - or thinking about something else.

This afternoon I accompany Robin on a trip to visit our osteopath - he of the magic hands.  He thinks Robin may have a frozen shoulder. I'm there as interpreter to explain when he says,

Do you feel numbness in your fingers?.

Wiggle yourself more this way.

Is that sore?

I'm going to press under your armpit.

While he presses and prods Robin's arm I sit back on the lovely comfy banana shaped chair next to him and in seconds I feel my eyes closing. I could stay there forever.

It seems it isn't a frozen shoulder after all but a neurological problem which requires a visit to the GP and a referral. Which could take forever. Meanwhile Robin can't raise his arm, without help, much above his waist. But he doesn't complain about it.

Tonight, sitting in our Deeksha meditation circle I feel my head nodding forward almost immediately I close my eyes. They said I didn't snore though.

As I write I can hear Robin washing up downstairs and making weird high pitched noises over the sound of Mama Mia playing on the CD. He doesn't want to be like this. And this is how he is now.

 I find I can bear it tonight - his frustration, my despair. I can let it slip out through my open window and mingle with the perfume of the white jasmine pulsating through the quiet garden....knowing this isn't forever.