Giving My Consent

Mount Cook, New Zealand

I was very shocked to hear that a friend died this morning, quite suddenly - a dear, sweet man who was an integral part of our Deeksha meditation community and was always unfailingly kind to me and my husband.  He's the one who sent us a Christmas card with the beautiful words of Tagore on the front - 

Faith is the bird that sings to the dawn while it is still dark.

Words that will always be associated now in my mind with him.

This morning I took my nourishment collage to my lovely Family Constellations therapist - she had suggested I  make it - and unravelled some of the images. She asked me what was missing there too - I identified relaxation, Mindfulness, being present, loving touch.

 I thought that Saying No to things would somehow give me more time  - time to nourish myself. But I discovered there is a stage before that - in the inward journey -  when you encounter pain or loss - Saying Yes to what is already so - accepting it -  is the first step to healing it.

Bert Hellinger ( the  founder author of Family Constellation work) uses a brilliant word instead of accepting - which I think has connotations of doing something I don't really want to - he talks about giving your consent, agreeing to the pain instead of trying to get rid of it, finding out what it's trying to tell you.

I've had lower back pain all my life - sometimes it's worse than others and stops me gardening or hoovering or bending down at all. Mostly I ignore it and put up with it, wait for it to improve.

So today for the first time I had a guided conversation with my back pain which was actually really angry about being ignored and not given any attention, any love or support. And I realised the enormous cost of not listening to my body at all. A good place to start nourishing myself -  loving my back pain - however odd that sounds.

 I felt lighter after the session, my back pain is still there but it feels different somehow - giving it my consent instead of feeling invaded by it.....living alongside it instead of against it.....wanting to have more conversations with it - giving it what everyone one wants  - love and attention.

And now it's saying GO TO BED - so I'm listening at last....